بسم ﷲ الرحمٰن الرحیم
I Lost Her in This World — But Not Forever
By: Qalbun Yaqzaan | قلبٌ يقظان
A heart that can no longer sleep
I write this with the intention that it brings comfort to anyone grieving the loss of a loved one. If my journey can ease even a little of your pain, then may it be accepted as a means of healing and reward.
A Love That Felt Eternal
There are a few people in life you think will always be there — like the sky above. For me, one of them was my beloved grandmother. She wasn’t just a family member — she was home, safety, love.
I grew up in a joint family, and my grandmother — my Nano — was always at the center of it. Her presence was warm and firm, her hugs tight, her duas constant. She raised me with values, with love, and with a sense of being deeply cared for..
A Woman of Quiet Greatness
My grandmother migrated from India to Pakistan with my grandfather, leaving behind her entire family to start anew. Though she was illiterate, she made sure she could read the Quran — and did so daily with immense dedication. She prayed every salah without fail, including Tahajjud. She fasted regularly, even at an old age. She was strong in body and spirit.
She greeted everyone with kindness. Even those who wronged her — she left their matter to Allah. She taught me the value of food, barakah, and simplicity.
She was one of my constants. I thought she would always be there.
The Day Everything Changed
Then came the news.
She’s gone.
My chest felt hollow. My brain shut down. I just remember the words, إِنَّا لِلّهِ وَإِنَّـا إِلَيْهِ رَاجِعُونَ “Indeed, to Allah we belong, and indeed, to Him we shall return.”, falling from my lips as tears flooded my eyes.
The pain of that day — every chore, every movement — felt like being torn apart. I had never known such grief. And though time softened the tears, the void remains.
From Fear to Peace
I used to fear death — not just mine, but the process, the uncertainty. What would I present to Allah? Would I be ready?
But something changed with her passing. For the first time, death felt like reunion. I no longer feared dying — because now, I believe she’s waiting for me. That thought alone softened something inside me. It gave me peace.
And then it struck me: if I truly strive, I may also meet the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.), and the pious souls who’ve gone before us. What a comforting thought. What a shift in my heart.
What Helped Me Heal
Healing didn’t happen overnight. But a few things helped:
1. Staying close to pious company
2. Talking to my mother and family who felt the same loss
3. Reading about death and the hereafter
4. Listening to scholars who reminded me that the goal is Allah’s pleasure.
Accepting that my grief has meaning — it pushes me to improve, to prepare. And most of all, the belief that she’s waiting for me — and that reunion is possible if I live right.
What You Can Do When Grieving
If you’re grieving too, here’s what helped me — and might help you:
1. Make dua for your loved one regularly
2. Read Quran regularly and gift the reward to them
3. Give charity or sadaqah jariyah in their name
4. Talk about them with love
5. Let grief soften your heart, not harden it
6. And most importantly, let it bring you closer to Allah
The dead eagerly wait for the sawab we send them — a charity, a prayer, a Quran recitation. It reaches them like light and joy in their grave. Let us not forget those who once never forgot us.
I, for one, cannot imagine leaving my grandmother alone in her grave.
A Final Thought
My grandmother was a woman of light — simple, silent, and sincere. I believe she is a person of Jannah, Insha’Allah. But the question that remains is: Am I doing enough to be worthy of reuniting with her?
That question pushes me daily. And I hope it pushes you too.
The fear of losing other loved ones still lingers. But somewhere deep in my heart, I now believe: we will all be together again — in our eternal abode.
May Allah reunite us with our loved ones in gardens beneath which rivers flow. And may our grief be a door — not to despair — but to Him. Ameen
Nano, you were the love of my life. I miss you dearly, always — no matter where I am or what I’m doing. Your absence is felt in every corner of my heart.
