بسم ﷲ الرحمٰن الرحیم
No One Warned Me About This: Aging, Health & the Silent Shift
By: Qalbun Yaqzaan | قلبٌ يقظان
A heart that can no longer sleep
They told me I’d get older — no one told me I’d feel lost in my own body.
This post isn’t just about aging. It’s about the slow, quiet unraveling of our health, energy, and confidence — and how women are rarely prepared for it.
I write this in hopes of starting a conversation we all need to have — as women, as Muslims, as daughters of a generation that never spoke openly about this silent shift.
The Illusion of Endless Youth
In your 20s and early 30s, you feel unstoppable. Sleepless nights don’t matter. Fast food doesn’t show. You bounce back from everything. You think youth is your permanent companion.
We hear older women say, “Take care of your health.” But we don’t listen — until we wish we had.
Our mothers sacrificed everything for their families. Their identities were tied entirely to their children. And while that’s beautiful, it came at a cost: they didn’t prioritize themselves, and most never taught us how to.
Now we’re growing older, and no one handed us the manual.
When the Fog Begins
Somewhere after 35, the changes creep in:
- You forget mid-sentence
- Fatigue becomes bone-deep
- Hormones shift your mood, memory, metabolism
- Your skin dulls, your joints ache
- You feel guilt for slowing down, shame for needing help
Whether you have children or not, a career or not — aging humbles everyone.
But no one talks about it. It’s assumed we’ll just figure it out. But most of us don’t, not without confusion, fear, or loneliness.
The Emotional Weight of Aging
You compare yourself to your younger self — vibrant, sharp, full of light. You look in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman staring back. It’s not always the aging that hurts. Sometimes, it’s the grief for who you used to be.
Worse, society doesn’t allow women to age quietly. A man becomes “wise.” A woman becomes “aunty.” The word itself stings, like your worth just expired.
Youth is glorified. Aging is hidden. But time reveals the truth, no filter or filler can stop it.
What Islam Reminds Us
Despite it all, I have seen women in their 40s, 50s, and beyond who shine with strength. They pray. They grow. They serve. They smile. And they glow, not with makeup, but with meaning.
They remind me of women from our history — Khadijah (R.A.), Aisha (R.A.), Umm Salamah (R.A.) — who didn’t just age gracefully, they aged with purpose.
These were women who carried Islam, narrated hadith, raised leaders, and stood beside the Prophet (S.A.W.) through every hardship. They aged not with fear, but with taqwa. They were not defined by age, they were refined by it.
The Prophet Muhammad (S.A.W.) said: “Take advantage of five before five: your youth before your old age, your health before your sickness…” (Al-Hakim)
Aging is not decline, it’s divine transition. A mercy. A reminder. A preparation.
In Islam, growing old is not something to hide, it is something to honor. Gray hair is a crown of experience.
Weakness is a reminder to lean on Allah. And every moment is another chance to realign your soul before you return to Him.
Let the world chase youth. Let us chase His pleasure.
How I Cope — By Finding Purpose in Life
Aging isn’t just physical, it shakes your emotions, confidence, and sense of self. But Islam gave us both medicine and meaning.
The more I struggled, the more I realized: I needed to stop clinging to who I was, and start walking toward who I am meant to become.
Here’s what helped me and still helps:
- Listening to honest women reminded me I am not alone
- Giving myself permission to slow down helped me release guilt
- Tahajjud brought light to my heart and face
- Reciting Qur’an, even in small doses, sharpened my mind and softened my soul
- Sujood and wudhu strengthened my body and grounded me
- Sadaqah, no matter how small, filled my days with meaning
- Dhikr and dua, in silence, healed what words couldn’t
- Caring for my health became an act of worship, I try to look after it when I can
- Serving others and the deen made me feel useful and alive again
But most of all, I found peace in knowing: My purpose was never to remain young. It was always to live meaningfully — for Allah swt.
I am not here to impress the world. I am here to seek His blessing, His mercy, and His pleasure. And that is what makes aging not just bearable, but beautiful.
The Bigger Truth
Old age isn’t just slowing down, it’s preparation. It’s the soft call of Allah: Your final journey is near.
Those who lived by His commands will rejoice at the meeting. Those who didn’t may regret. But even now, the door of return is wide open.
Every gray hair is a reminder. Every wrinkle, a passage. Let’s realign before we return.
A Final Note
My dear sisters, I am still walking this path. Honestly, it’s not easy, but it’s not empty either. There’s growth here. Reward here. And above all, there is Allah.
If you’ve already found contentment and purpose in this stage, that is a beautiful blessing. Hold on to it, protect it, and share it. But if you’re someone who is still struggling, know that this post was written for you. You are not alone, and you are not failing.
Let’s not age chasing youth, let’s age seeking Allah’s pleasure. Let’s care for our hearts, our bodies, our hereafter.
If you’re struggling, reach out. Find women-centered circles offering support – emotionally, physically, and spiritually. You don’t have to walk alone.
May Allah grant us strength in our years, blessings in our bodies, and light on our faces. May we walk through every season of life with excellence and meet our Lord with peace.
Ameen.
